Emma could use some prayers this week, she's feeling the weight of the world a little right now. Thanks for all the interest, support, and love!!Another week has come and gone in Palmas ! love my companion a lot, seriously. It was a rough week, our baptism fell through YESTERDAY AFTERNOON. But we had stake conference and we brought some really solid new people! A super weird time this week - I taught a LOT in English! We ate with a few American families and shared the message at the end in English, we randomly street - contacted like three people who spoke English, the English ward mission leader wants us to teach a few families in their ward boundaries, and we have a new investigator we found who's from Colorado and we taught him three times in English this week! not sure why this is happening, but it's definitely a super different experience. Our American investigator is name Manuel and he knows English better than Spanish, he's been living in mexico 2 years. he loves talking to us and has the greatest desire I've ever seen to turn his life around. he always tells us how good he feels when he's with us, and he feels were are the answer to his prayers. We had some really good deep discussions this week, and he's preparing for baptism. he wants to go to every activity the church has available, he even wants to come with us or the elders to our lessons throughout the day when he doesn't have work! we're excited. it's going to take time because he has a few problems with the word of wisdom, but willpower he has, and will=way. We're teaching a lot of families a the moment, and we're going to try to do lots of FHE this week. I think the hardest, well one hard thing about being a missionary is being consistently diligent. Week after week, day after day, trying hard to give our all and be perfectly obedient down to the minute - our human bodies get tire, our minds fail us, things that aren't in our control affect what happens... and in the word of salvation, our day-to-day work is so critical, and the pressure is SO MUCH. So many heart-wrenching things i hear and see everyday, so many disappointments, failures happen every hour - but also SO many miracles. The emotions of the mission are crazy, just crazy. I do admit that after we got home and planned last night I finally broke down a bit. The emotional, physical, spiritual tiredness just caught up to me in some crazy wave. So much sadness in the world, so much blindness, a realization of my endless imperfections and what felt like, in the moment, a total inability to complete the purposes for which I've been sent here, the quota of a baptism a week and all of our other 10 goals that need to be completed exactly as well. Well, you know there are so many times where I literally walk around feeling like I'm carrying the burdens of so many on my back, and it's scary that everything that happens depends on His will, my worthiness, and their agency. What I had to do in this moment was remember my times of success and happiness and all the things I've been able to accomplish only through His power. There have been lots of times where I've truly felt like an instrument in His hands, where I really did not feel at all like Emma, but like HERMANA LESUEUR, representing Christ and my family doing things and saying words that seriously just were my own at all. But sometimes I fall, feel frantic, and I forget who I'm working for. Sometimes I just feel so human and so weak, and last night was one of those times. My faith is being tried left and right, but this refiner's fire is the most amazing thing I've EVER lived. I'm just SO grateful, so grateful. I know who He is, who I am, and why I'm here - when it comes down to it, to help others understand the nature of the being who created us.
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